My big mouth

I suspect that anyone who knows me has been waiting (hoping) for me to say something wildly inappropriate to some kid. Well, it hasn't quite happened yet, but I've come closer than I'd planned. For example, while talking to an ensemble of high school students, I kept telling a percussionist that I needed him to "take bigger gong rips." And I complimented a remarkably buxom 8th-grader on her "big, full breaths." In both cases, I was halfway through my next sentence before I wondered whether I'd pronounced exactly what I wanted to.

Let's see, what else have I accidentally said...? I ran into the cross-country team while I was leaving the middle school one day, and several band students on the team asked me if I wanted to go running with them. The shirt and tie and dress shoes should have been a good enough excuse, but instead I told them that I only run when the police are after me. I don't know if this is related, but several students have taken to referring to me as "Mr. Killer."

I saw a mentally handicapped student flip out at the sight of a sousaphone. The high school marching band has to walk through the special ed hallway to get to the practice field, and this kid was apparently freaked out by sousaphones. Experience has taught me that most retards are drawn to low brass, but this kid apparently felt otherwise. It was a momentary outburst, though; I could hear his teacher/aide/handler calming his sobs as we walked away.

I marched in a homecoming parade. That would've been cool if I hadn't been pushing a wheelchair at the time. You see, one of the kids in the marching band has multiple sclerosis, and is confined to a wheelchair. Wheelchairs and marching bands seem like a bid mix, and I have to admit that he's pretty much a waste of space. The kid can barely get a sound out of his horn and he obviously can't march, but goddamn if he isn't one of the most enthusiastic people out there. I'd rather not have to push him during parades (streets around here are kinda poorly maintained), but I'll always support someone who honestly wants to do their best and play their horn.

It's weird to think that I'm almost halfway through my student teaching. I'm somewhat more comfortable in a classroom, but I don't think it's because I've gotten any better as a teacher... I've just grown accustomed to failure. Which reminds me, my beer is empty.